When “exploding gummy bears” were billed as part of the attractions at U of T’s science rendezvous last weekend, this prompted yours truly to investigate allegations of cruelty against this beloved totem animal of rave culture. It was truly shocking to witness atrocities being committed against hapless gummy bears in the name of science. Bystanders watched with morbid fascination as cute little candied animals were unceremoniously torched in a test-tube, one by one. The smell of burnt sugar and gelatine was unbearable, nearly causing Frankenräver to lose her lunch. I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of sympathy for the poor gummy bears that were being cheerfully sacrificed by this upstart scientist. All they ever wanted to do was bring joy (and perhaps a few cavities) to millions of ravers and kids…and this is how we repay them??!
The invention of gummy bear rockets to demonstrate scientific principles is intrinsically cruel and MUST STOP. Else the human race will be annihilated by the aliens Jaden Smith questioned Obama about and the chickens will be left to run the planet. As Hendrix famously quoted the extra-terrestrial visitor in “Third Stone from the Sun”:
Although your world wonders me,
With your majestic and superior cackling hen
Your people I do not understand,
So to you I shall put an end
Surf music again
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