Cruelty to Gummy Bears EXPOSED!!!


When “exploding gummy bears” were billed as part of the attractions at U of T’s science rendezvous last weekend, this prompted yours truly to investigate  allegations of cruelty against this beloved totem animal of rave culture. It was truly shocking to witness atrocities being committed against hapless gummy bears in the name of science. Bystanders watched with morbid fascination as cute little candied animals were unceremoniously torched in a test-tube, one by one. The smell of burnt sugar and gelatine was unbearable, nearly causing Frankenräver to lose her lunch. I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of sympathy for the poor gummy bears that were being cheerfully sacrificed by this upstart scientist. All they ever wanted to do was bring  joy (and perhaps a few cavities) to millions of ravers and kids…and this is how we repay them??!

The invention of gummy bear rockets to demonstrate scientific principles is intrinsically cruel and MUST STOP. Else the human race will be annihilated by the aliens Jaden Smith questioned Obama about and the chickens will be left to run the planet. As Hendrix famously quoted the extra-terrestrial visitor in “Third Stone from the Sun”: 

Although your world wonders me, 
With your majestic and superior cackling hen 
Your people I do not understand, 
So to you I shall put an end 
And you’ll 
Never hear 
Surf music again 


Copyright © 2012 Frankie Diamond. All rights reserved. Excerpts of less than 200 words may be published to another site, including a link back to the original article. This article may not be reproduced in its entirety and posted to another site without the express permission of the author.



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