The Magick of Kraftwerk

The Magick of Kraftwerk

Summer’s almost here and with DEMF (Detroit Electronic Music Festival) just around the corner, fans of electronica are shifting into high gear. Amidst all the hype, there is one salient fact to be remembered. Without the pioneering antics of some funky dudes from Düsseldorf, DEMF would not exist. Plain and simple. Kraftwerk are the bonafide godparents of electronica / modern pop music, influencing artists such as Gary Numan, Franz Ferdinand, Joy Division and Bjork. Their futuristic sounds inspired American DJ’s Juan Atkins, Derrick May, Carl Craig and Kevin Saunderson (aka The Belleville Three), to create a new form of music that would be the foundation of rave culture. Detroit’s industrial backdrop combined with Kraftwerk’s machinistic precision proved to be the perfect marriage between European metronomics and Afro-American rhythmic sensibilities. Ultimately, this resulted in the creation of techno. You can hear Kraftwerk’s influence clearly on Cybotron’s “Cosmic Cars”, and most famously, Afrika Bambaataa’s “Planet Rock” which contains an interpolation of Kraftwerk’s “Trans-Europe Express” and “Numbers.” Their influence on hip-hop and electro is undeniable, yet in spite of all this, Kraftwerk’s legacy seems to be largely unrecognized by today’s generation of listeners.

 

Kraftwerk’s journey began in Düsseldorf in the late 1960’s when Florian Schneider met Ralf Hütter at The Robert-Schumann-Hochschule; a college for music studies at university level. Both musicians initiated an avant-garde experiment where they pushed the boundaries of music, subsequently opening up new frontiers (“krautrock” being one of them). In this incredible footage taken from a live WDR TV performance of “Ruckzuck” in 1970, you can hear unmistakeable elements of minimal, trance and rock. With Schneider blasting staccato stabs on flute, Klaus Dinger holding it down on kit and Hütter rocking the organ, Kraftwerk chugs along like a futuristically funky locomotive. Providing glimpses of a musical future 20 years ahead of its time makes for a somewhat discombobulated studio audience (though you could see some hippies actually getting into it like, “I don’t know what this is but it sounds good yah!”). Then at 2:29, Kraftwerk shifts gears into some kling klang, rocked out synth experimental jiffy, playfully tweaking dynamics, resulting in sounds eerily reminiscent of a vocoder which was to become their trademark (3:53). And the zoned out expression of the couple chewing gum at the end – priceless!

 

Fast forward 30 years later to an age where the average North American household has 2 computers. Have these guys become moded, outdated even with their newfangled experimental wizardry? Hell no! Kraftwerk’s genius is ubiquitous even in hip-hop. How many of you know that Jay-Z sampled “Man Machine” for his hit, “Sunshine.”

 

Even Chris Martin from Coldplay couldn’t resist sampling “Computer Love” for “Talk”, on his album X&Y. But Kraftwerk didn’t hand it to him on a platter. No sirree. Martin wrote them a letter, requesting permission which was forwarded to the notoriously reclusive group through their lawyers. Then he sat on his hands and waited a couple of weeks, until he received a written reply which simply said, “Yes.”  

The first track I recall from Kraftwerk is “Numbers.” Hearing that tune on an electro mixtape myb uncle gave me really flipped my gourd. I’d never encountered anything like it before; mysterious, playful and downright funky. To my adolescent ears, it sounded like a Speak & Spell having an epileptic seizure. Robotic voices counting in multiple languages proved to be a headtrip, as I would rewind and listen repeatedly with the biggest smile on my face. At the time I didn’t know who Kraftwerk was, but I knew this was important. Little did I know that I would end up hearing that same song being played at raves years later. “Computer World” is a must in any raver’s collection, as one can trace the evolution of electronica from this landmark album. It’s also an eerily accurate prediction of the world we live in now where “business…numbers…money…people” are all part of the ruthless cycle of capitalization. Keep in mind Kraftwerk was creating this kind of music in the 70’s, when the majority of people didn’t have computers (or even know what they were). So you see, this Power Plant of artistic innovation fromGermany must be given the utmost respect for their peerless contributions to modern music. Lang lebe Kraftwerk!

Copyright © 2012 Frankie Diamond. All rights reserved. Excerpts of less than 200 words may be published to another site, including a link back to the original article. This article may not be reproduced in its entirety and posted to another site without the express permission of the author.

Cyberdog Rules Camden Stables

Cyberdog Rules Camden Stables

Located in London’s world famous Stables Market, Cyberdog is a headtrip for ravers. On any given day, loud techno/ trance blares forth from this repository of underground culture shamelessly pimped out for profit. Though it’s somewhat out of sorts with its surroundings, Cyberdog ain’t that bad. The entranceway being famously flanked by two gigantic robots certainly adds to the attraction, not to mention the gyrating dancers who grace the ramparts every Saturday. Of course that only serves to draw the insatiably curious inside to see more, and that’s when jaws drop. Visiting Cyberdog is much like falling down a rabbit hole into a fluorescent Wonderland of never-ending rave induced delirium. Life-sized ladybots and manbots line the walls on the upper level, gazing at passers-by with creepy glowing eyes, but no-one seems to mind. While a group of guys gape upward at the dancing cybercuties, we head down the escalators to the lower level, where the real fun’s to be had.

Cyberdog’s blacklight splatter tees rock

The layout is pristine to the point of sterility, as cybergear hangs off Cyberdog’s bespoke hangers. A DJ bearing an uncanny resemblance to Keith Flint serves up beats behind turntables, while employees roam about dressed  like raver dandies. Damn, this is incredible! I whipped out the camera but am swiftly approached by an employee who politely informs me that picture taking is not allowed. What a drag…anyway, there are all kinds of cool gadgets, clothing, jewellery, accessories and toys that would make any raver squeal with delight. Glow in the dark piggy banks and Pac Man mints for £10 makes Tibetan incense look like an enticing alternative. Small stuff is expensive here. So’s the cybergear. Though I have to admit PVC catsuits aren’t my style, someone who doesn’t mind asphyxiating their pores for extended periods of time will definitely buy them. My personal fave are their UV reactive T-shirts and T dresses priced from around £30. Cyberdog even has a blacklight clothing line for babies. All those cute little overpriced tees and jumpers…immediately I start fantasizing about my baby daughter stumbling around in one of those numbers, then I remind myself of all the freedom I have now. That snaps me right out of my daydream in a jiffy. My marketmates are bouncing the hell out of some glo-balls that light up when they hit the floor, so I decide to have some fun with those too.

Next up: the basement. Now this is where things start to get a little freaky. Of all things, there’s a sex shop down here, stocked with dildos, lube, racy outfits and more. All in good taste of course; there’s nothing cheesy or remotely sleazy about this joint. The creative minds behind this carefully mapped out enterprise have done their homework. Cyberdog initially started out as an independent stall specializing in goa style merchandise, and has since morphed into a rave superstore franchise, with shops in Brighton, Manchester and Ibiza Town. What sets them apart from other rave themed shops is their overwhelmingly eponymous clothing line and ubiquitous branding strategy. Irregardless of what your tastes are, if you’re into underground culture, Cyberdog has something for everyone. Odds of leaving emptyhanded: 1 in 500,000.  

Can’t take the tube there? Fret not. Get your cyberfreak on at www.cyberdog.net

Copyright © 2012 Frankie Diamond. All rights reserved. Excerpts of less than 200 words may be published to another site, including a link back to the original article. This article may not be reproduced in its entirety and posted to another site without the express permission of the author.

R.I.P. Donna Summer, First Lady of Techno

R.I.P. Donna Summer, First Lady of Techno

Disco legend Donna Summer passed away on Thursday May 17th at age 63, after a lengthy battle with lung cancer. Born LaDonna Adrian Gaines in Massachusetts, this musical powerhouse has influenced a generation of aspiring divas. Throughout her illustrious career, she has collaborated with artists such as Barbara Streisand, Musical Youth and Quincy Jones. Known for her formidable vocal prowess and Top 10 Hits, Mrs. Summer was one of the few artists who survived the death of disco. She even managed to have a successful career into the 80′s and beyond. Though Donna Summer will forever be associated with the disco era, she will also be remembered for her contributions to groundbreaking single, “I Feel Love”, arguably the first techno song ever created. Uber producer Giorgio Moroder utilized cutting edge technology to create a track that has withstood the test of time, in addition to being ahead of the era in which it was released (1977). If you’ve ever had the good fortune of hearing “I Feel Love” at a rave, you ‘ll know exactly what I mean. Donna Summer’s deceptively breezy vocals combined with Moroder’s creative genius detonated an explosive dancefloor bomb and chart-smasher. It reached number 6 in the U.S. and number 1 in the U.K. Summer also scandalized listeners from all over the globe with her infamously orgasmic “Love to Love you Baby”, (another Moroder production).

Summer’s phenomenal voice had its beginnings in gospel, when she stunned members of her church with her singing as a small child. Such a ginormous talent could not be confined to a small town forever; after trying out for Hair (the musical) in the late 60′s and losing the part to Melba Moore, Donna accepted the same role in the Munich production and subsequently moved there. This decision played a crucial part in her musical destiny , for she teamed up with producers Pete Bellotte and Moroder while in Europe during the 1970′s. And the rest, as they say, is history.

My childhood memories of Donna Summer include singing the bridge of “Dim All the Lights” into an oscillating fan, in an attempt to replicate the trippy reverb. And of course, trying my darndest to sustain that incredibly long note near the end of intro to said track…and always running out of breath. Summer had staying power and unbelievable control which puts many so-called singers of today in the shade by comparison. This lady had first class chops. Any doubting Thomases reading this article have only to listen to her numerous tunes on Youtube for further enlightenment on the subject…

In addition to being a kickass vocalist, Donna Summer was also a visual artist. I once saw her work on display at a gallery in Yorkville during the early 90′s, and was stunned to discover a side to her I didn’t know existed. Donna certainly believed in diversifying and expressing the multi-dimensional aspects of her creative self in every way. Rest In Peace, Donna Summer – you will be sorely missed.

Copyright © 2012 Frankie Diamond. All rights reserved. Excerpts of less than 200 words may be published to another site, including a link back to the original article. This article may not be reproduced in its entirety and posted to another site without the express permission of the author.

Cruelty to Gummy Bears EXPOSED!!!

Cruelty to Gummy Bears EXPOSED!!!

When “exploding gummy bears” were billed as part of the attractions at U of T’s science rendezvous last weekend, this prompted yours truly to investigate  allegations of cruelty against this beloved totem animal of rave culture. It was truly shocking to witness atrocities being committed against hapless gummy bears in the name of science. Bystanders watched with morbid fascination as cute little candied animals were unceremoniously torched in a test-tube, one by one. The smell of burnt sugar and gelatine was unbearable, nearly causing Frankenräver to lose her lunch. I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of sympathy for the poor gummy bears that were being cheerfully sacrificed by this upstart scientist. All they ever wanted to do was bring  joy (and perhaps a few cavities) to millions of ravers and kids…and this is how we repay them??!

The invention of gummy bear rockets to demonstrate scientific principles is intrinsically cruel and MUST STOP. Else the human race will be annihilated by the aliens Jaden Smith questioned Obama about and the chickens will be left to run the planet. As Hendrix famously quoted the extra-terrestrial visitor in “Third Stone from the Sun”: 

Although your world wonders me, 
With your majestic and superior cackling hen 
Your people I do not understand, 
So to you I shall put an end 
And you’ll 
Never hear 
Surf music again 

 

Copyright © 2012 Frankie Diamond. All rights reserved. Excerpts of less than 200 words may be published to another site, including a link back to the original article. This article may not be reproduced in its entirety and posted to another site without the express permission of the author.

 

THE RISE AND FALL OF THE TORONTO RAVE SCENE

THE RISE AND FALL OF THE TORONTO RAVE SCENE

Reblogged from Music Blog of Gobs The Zombie:

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A freinds of mine, Yamina (one of the foxiest babes ever), does work for a Toronto community outreach program called TRIP (Toronto Raver Info Project). She asked me for help writing a piece about the history of the Toronto Rave Scene (she also asked a bunch of other old people aswell). I don’t think anyone has ever written about it so I’ve decided to post it here, where anyone can find it, and I hope you will take the time to read it.

Read more… 2,081 more words, 1 more video

Great exposition of Toronto's rave history in a nutshell.

Raver of the Month: MC Mimic

Raver of the Month: MC Mimic

MC Mimic

Former candykid MC Mimic, drops some tasty tidbits about his experiences during the 90′s. As you can see, dude’s all grown up now. Fortunately, Mimic has not lost touch with his inner child, unlike your average Wall Street banker. Peeps like him should occupy more boardrooms that’s for certain. Though the colourful bracelets are long gone, he’s still a sweetheart on the inside - where it counts :-)

F: How old were you when you attended your first rave?  

MM: That’s a good question…I was probably raving from like mid to late ‘90’s so  I was probably 15.  

F: Were you ever turned away from a party because you were underaged? 

MM: No, there was never any issues. I remember one time that we were at The Docks and there was a group of us and security was really tight and there was a swarm of cops and they’re like, “If you have anything on you we’d recommend that you go back and leave it in the car,” and we were like, “Let’s confer over here,” (laughter) and we still came in with a shitload of pills but yeah, that was the only time we had to hesitate. Turned away for age – no.  

F: What inspired you to become a candy raver?  

MM: Again, a good question. I think it was just kinda completely young, in high school whatever. I wanted to experiment with different mind altering substances and whatnot, cuz it was really big back then and I think since then it’s really fallen off quite a bit. I mean there’s still parties going on, but I think it was the thing to do cuz we couldn’t go to bars and drink, so (we’d)  just go to a party, stay up all night, do some drugs and have fun. 

F: As a candy raver, what kind of gear could I expect to find in your wardrobe? 

MM: Oh geez! (Laughter). First of all, I had bracelets halfway up my arm and of course the soother necklace and I had locks at the time. And I had this – you know “The Cat in the Hat” hat? I had one of those…a Finnish girl that was an exchange student that was dating one of my brothers, she actually made it for me, so what I would do is I would take the Cat in the  Hat hat and stick my locks up in it and so it would stand up stiff like… 

F: (Laughter) Oh my God… 

MM: It was actually pretty sweet cuz a couple of us used to work at Domino’s pizza. 

F: Yes. 

MM: And so we would print out our own nametags and whatever and there were like 3 or 4 of us that would go to parties in our Snug pants and the Domino’s shirt… 

F: (More laughter) Oh my God… 

MM: And that was primarily to look cool yes, but also so that we could find each other cuz you know how it goes; you’d dose a little bit and fucking wander around and talk to everybody and then, “Oh shit, where’s my friends?” Then always, “Have you seen another guy in a Domino’s shirt, looks like me?” -“Oh yeah yeah yeah! He’s over there.” Great. Now I’ve found my buddies. That was part of it but yeah, like bracelets up to there, and of course the soother and the hat and my Snugs were my favourite. I had 11 pockets in those pants. 

F: Sweet! 

MM: And I remember there was a store in Square One; it’s not there anymore, but there was a sign in the change room that said, “If it doesn’t cover every lace, it doesn’t belong on your waist.” 

F: (Laughter) That’s pretty snappy! 

MM: That’s pretty dope. I like that. That’s pretty cool. 

F: As a person of colour, did you ever experience any racism in the scene? 

MM: Oh not at all. In other venues yes, but as a raver, no, not at all. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the DJ C-Rat? 

F: No. 

MM: Like ol skool jungle, it’s like ragga jungle. We actually had a radio show at York University every Thursday; it was a junglist radio show; he was the DJ, I was the MC. 

F: Wicked! 

MM: And it was pretty cool. I had them all recorded on cassette tapes which are long gone at this point but actually, you know, I still have his number somewhere but maybe like a year ago, I was standing on Queen St. and he was just walking by and I hadn’t seen the cat in like…fuck, years, cuz I was living in New York for a while. But yeah, he’s walking around and the craziest thing about him is he had like CP or something, so one of his arms is non-functional, but his whole mixing – one arm. Just with one hand and he was pretty damn good, but I saw him walking by and I’m like, “Wait a minute I know that guy.” I’m like, “Yo C-Rat!” and he’s like, “Yo Duppy?” (Laughter). I’m like “Yeah!” Actually my MC name was MC Mimic…yeah, so maybe like a year ago we went out to a jungle party on…shit, what’s that place? Not the Hide Out. It’s on Bathurst on the west side just south of Queen? It’s got like a black front…anyways man, it was dope. I think Caddy Cad was MC’ing. Caddy Cad and I had played a couple of parties together. 

F: Caddy Cad is awesome. He’s still rhyming, still MC-ing… 

MM: And he’s like 40 something, maybe 50, I don’t even know. I wasn’t doing any drugs a year ago or whatever but I was like “It’s good, it’s good,” blah blah blah, and I’m shooting the shit for a sec and I’m like, “Yo I’m totally in the zone right now, like yo, let me just spit 16’s,” (he’s) like “No, you can’t do it,” and I’m like “Fuck – c’mon bro. Really!” (Laughter). Like, “C’mon! I’m in the zone! Just let me holla for a second – I don’t want money or fucking anything.” He’s like, “No, I can’t do it,” and I’m like “Aight.” Yeah so, I guess that was the last party I went to. 

F:  Were you into gabber when you were a raver? 

MM: I am not familiar with it. 

F: Hardcore, happy hardcore… 

MM: Oh happycore. Yeah, yeah. It was like my main two were happycore and ragga jungle. 

F: Happy hardcore did not appeal to a lot of people that I knew, including myself, so I’m just curious as to what was it about happycore that you found stimulating. 

MM: I would say a combination of the completely legal drugs that I wasn’t doing (laughter), cuz back in the days when I was partying, it was like PLUR, PLUR all the way. Peace love unity respect man. Everybody was your best friend and…shit what was that one song? (Sings) First you say yes, and then you say no, tell me to stop, and then you say go. What kind of fool are you looking for? That’s one that sticks out in my mind but it was just…the name of the music – like happy hardcore, just strong, quick beats but like nice vibes, and the people too you know, even more than the music. A good combination but I’d say more than the music, cuz everybody was kinda like, in the same zone and you know everybody’s just there to be nice to each other. 

F: True dat. 

MM: Which is what really built them in. 

F: Did you ever eat the candy off your bracelets? 

MM: I never actually had a candy bracelet but I knew people that did that shared. 

F: Name some of your favourite DJ’s from that time. 

MM: Awwh geez…Medicine Muffin, Drip, Flow, MC’s like Skibadee and Caddy Cad like I was saying…yeah, Capital J! 

F: Yeah! 

MM: And oh of course my DJ, C-Rat. 

F: What were your most memorable parties or experiences? 

MM: You know, I was thinking about that actually earlier while I was sitting here, and it was one of the most memorable lifetimes in an instant. Meaning I was walking I don’t know where, maybe to the bathroom or something but I passed this girl and we just made eye contact and in just that moment, it was an entire lifetime together. And I could tell that just from the eye contact that it was exactly the same way, and that actually is still with me 10 years later, so I would say that was the one that sticks out most in my mind. 

F: Did you ever get the opportunity to check out the rave scene elsewhere, in other cities or down south? 

MM: I never partied in the States; primarily Toronto. I remember Noose, The Docks. We went to Guelph a lot. What’s the university out there? 

F: Guelph University. 

MM: Okay! (Laughter). I guess that makes sense. We went to Guelph a lot cuz this buddy of mine was dating a girl out there, so we went to a lot of parties inGuelph, but it was primarily Toronto and Guelph. 

F: Do you think raving has a future?” 

MM: I would like to see it come back. At this point I’m not too up to date on parties. Actually no – I went to a party probably like 8 months ago at The Guvernment actually, with another buddy of mine. One of his boys, MC Zee, he’s an MC. We went to check him out and that was pretty cool. So to answer your question, I would say it’s still alive. Is it coming back? I don’t know. I would like to see cuz I love raving, but if it does come back strong, I would like to see PLUR come back, cuz once crystal meth started coming into it, people got kind of mean and then like drum and bass got too electronic and whatnot. It kind of took the sail out of it for me so like if it could go back to the day, go back to how it was back then I would love that. 

F: On a final note, how would you say raving has changed your life. 

MM: Oh, totally. It opened my mind to openness I suppose, actually cuz I’m fairly open and I like to share in general, but definitely through the experiences that I had while raving, it’s definitely opened me up and made me more accepting of people, more understanding I suppose? And I guess maybe more confident like just, how we met, like I was just passing by the park and then I saw people and I’m like, “Shit, hey these guys look cool so I might as well come and sit down.” So I think I definitely gained that kind of aspect from raving because you know when I was at parties like I was saying, you go around and everybody’s your best friend; just talk to anybody. “Hey, how you doing?” – “I’m feeling nice. How are you?” – “I’m nice too!” (Laughter). So I think that definitely carried over to my general M.O. 

F: Wonderful! Thanks for sharing Duppy x

Copyright © 2012 Frankie Diamond. All rights reserved. Excerpts of less than 200 words may be published to another site, including a link back to the original article. This article may not be reproduced in its entirety and posted to another site without the express permission of the author.

 

 

 

Tuned In Mashed Out gets Rave Review

Tuned In Mashed Out gets Rave Review

Last February, I published Tuned In, Mashed Out: Confessions of a Rave Junkie. This e-book chronicles the adventures of rebel raver, G-Fly, during the height of Toronto’s scene in the 90’s, and is available now on Amazon. At one point, I was beginning to wonder whether I’d gone off the deep end by writing this book. Did anyone even care about something that happened over 15 years ago? Nonetheless, I felt this was a story that needed to be told, considering the general lack of exposure for Toronto’s underground past. Then like a burst of brilliant sunshine, I received overwhelmingly positive feedback from satisfied customer, Brian :

5.0 out of 5 stars A PLURfect representation of the rave scene, and the life around it,April 23, 2012
Amazon Verified Purchase(What’s this?)
This review is from: Tuned In, Mashed Out: Confessions of a Rave Junkie (Kindle Edition)

Having leafed through a few self-published books I had low expectations for this $3 novel but the subject matter was compelling so I took the plunge. I was completely unprepared for this enjoyable, earnest, exciting story. I was riveted to Frankie Diamond’s book and blew through it in just 3 sittings, staying up far too late as I read in bed each evening.

I found the book by trawling Amazon’s search engine for the unlikely query “Toronto rave” and was not disappointed. This is the real deal – the truest, most accurate, equally complementary and damning description of the 90s Toronto rave scene I’ve seen yet. Even though the format of the book is a diary her writing flare put me RIGHT THERE in those sweaty clubs and warehouses as she described the manic events each bleary day after. This stirred long-dormant nostalgia from deep within me – the elation of partying with thousands of like-minded people, the resulting family tension, the stresses from that awkward transition from adolescence to adulthood, the feelings of loneliness even while surrounded by friends, but most of all the grand revelation from going to my first rave and realizing I belong there. This all came RUSHING back to me as I read Diamond’s eloquent words; my mouth positively ached from my constant knowing smiles as I progressed.

Diamond pulls no punches here. She never tiptoes, aiming straight for the jugular and exposing her vices and shames for all the world to see. This in and of itself is commendable and adds sobering balance and conflict to all the celebration. She makes it clear that raves are wondrous occasions that mean different things to different people depending on where they come from and the context of their life that week. The rave was either an opportunity or an escape or liability or a necessity. Diamond’s sensitivity and honesty fill the reader with empathy and understanding and you’ll find yourself either cheering her on or mentally screaming to her not to make such an obvious mistake, wondering all the while whether any of us would have chosen any more wisely in her situation.

This is the most touching, relevant, truthful book I’ve read in quite some time. The similarities to other coveted diaries such as Anne Frank’s and Go Ask Alice are obvious and favourable: all autobiographical confessions of a fragile, impressionable soul seeking satisfaction and meaning in crazy times. As a man it was particularly interesting to glimpse the differences and similarities in a woman’s perceptions of that same scene I participated in.

The book is shocking, honest, exciting, and heartwarming. It’s genuinely left me with that rare afterglow I only get from great literature that grants me some fundamental understanding of myself. Like Frankie hitting the afterparty after a great rave I finished the book and immediately longed for more. From the (not too) young to the young-at-heart to parents of adolescents I would recommend this book to anyone sufficiently open-minded and I hope this is only the start of this great writer’s career.

Thanks Brian! Those of you reading this should follow Brian’s example and check it out b4 the success gets too much and I quit writing and go Howard Hughes on your ass. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya…

Tuned In, Mashed Out – available now on Amazon :-)

http://amazon.com/author/frankiediamond

Strange Sightings Issue # 231

Strange Sightings Issue # 231

Photography: Frankenräver

BUNNY LOVE

“Mommy, why’s the bunny wearing a carrot?,” a curious kid asks a mortified parent as she hurriedly drags the innocent one in the opposite direction.This storefront curiosity from Easter time is a Passion Play…of a different sort altogether. Horny boy bunny playfully smacks butt of submissive girl bunny in kinky foreplay scenario – how cute! Wait a minute; boy bunny is naturally equipped with his own gear, so why would he need a strap-on? I popped into the store and asked the clerk. She said, “Our bunnies aren’t gender specific so they’re open to interpretation.” My interpretation is Carrot Boy ain’t nothing but a bull dyke about to give it to her girlfriend. Seeing how they’re both pink only adds to the intrigue. I rest my case.

TRANSIT TROLL

My friend Jason pointed this one out to me on the subway. At first glance it looked like a large spot of rust. Then the truth suddenly dawned upon me. Holy shit! It’s a subterranean troll about to swallow an unsuspecting commuter. Actually, it’s Rob Ford, about to take a bite out of taxpayer’s wallets to pay for his retarded subway extension. Well, we all know how that one went – straight down the effing toilet where it belongs. And so, the Fordian Flakester retreated to his lair with a silent howl of dismay,  beaten back by angry villagers. The poor creature never saw it coming, but that’s what happens when you get blindsided by your own overinflated ego. Rumour has it that Beastie’s retreated to his cave, licking his wounds and planning his next attack. Where will The Dark Lord strike next? Only time will tell, but he’d better keep his grubby paws off our libraries. Talk about evil lurking in the depths…Ford’s not evil, really. Just a misunderstood chap who never got over being the fat kid in high school. Damn those blasted bullies…

PORCINE DILEMMA

I just love toilet humour. Especially when it’s geared towards raising awareness. Apparently animal rights is a hot topic, even after taking a dump. Pigs feel pain when people kill them, there’s absolutely no question about that. The horrendous abuse these poor animals suffer just to become sausage on some carnivore’s plate is something most people don’t even want to consider. “But your flesh is a drug, I am addicted,” says the hungry consumer. See, that’s the root of the problem. Pork tastes so damn good, it’s hard for millions to quit cold turkey (oops! Another tasty , tortured animal reference). Where would a BLT be without the B? Less Tasty, that’s for sure. Souse is simply not possible without porcine participation. Bacon bits add pizzazz to perogies when sprinkled over sour cream and green onions…mmmm…. Awwh shit, I hear my stomach growling! But all I have to do to make it stop is think about trichinella spiralis larvae squirming in my retina or giant roundworms dancing in my gut, courtesy of infected, undercooked pork. Ewww….you get the picture. Leave the host pigs and their crappy parasites alone and the world will be much better off for it.

KILLS 4 COMMUNITIES

This snap was taken in Canning Town, East London.The sign once read “Skills 4 Communities” ‘til some wanker prised off the S. A very telling description of the grim reality for neglected, inner city communities. Only a stone’s throw away from Stratford, site of the upcoming Olympics, Canning Town is a ghetto that has been targeted for “regeneration.” Meaning the demolition of decrepit buildings/ houses to make way for shiny, cheaply constructed, spanking brand new edifices. Newham Council wants to convince people that it’s making the borough a better place for people to live, work and play. Try telling that to the kids doing wheelies through the estates on their BMX’s or the chavs brokering drug deals in the park with their weapon dogs off the leash. They know the score. The regeneration scheme ain’t nothing but window dressing for tourists, as they zip by Canning Town on their way to the Games. They’ll never see the forgotten, neglected drudgery hiding behind the 0.25 km façade. Heaven forbid the tube should break down in 40 degree weather on the less than jubilant, notoriously glitchy Jubilee line. Then they’ll have to disembark, in search of a pasty or a pop before they recommence their journey…and come face to face with perennially pissed off, underprivileged kids having a really bad day. So much for the bloody Olympics.

BETTERAVES, BETTER DAYS

I made a surprisingly charming discovery in my friend’s pantry the other day. Betteraves is French for beet, but who cares – it’s Better-raves! Whoo hoo! BRING BACK BETTER DAYS YO!!!! Those bright colours certainly help to bring back memories of tha good ol’ daze of giant bells, happy chains and loopy gains…”Hey man, guess what?” – “What?” – “I found some E mann!!!” Damn…who knew a can of sliced beets could take me on a trip down memory lane. Never mind the pot boiling over on the stove – dis here’s da shit!! I never thought I’d ever say this but No Name just made my day. And onto my blog. Whoa…that’s kinda depressing. Never mind the bollocks – pass me the beets.

Copyright © 2012 Frankie Diamond. All rights reserved. Excerpts of less than 200 words may be published to another site, including a link back to the original article. This article may not be reproduced in its entirety and posted to another site without the express permission of the author.

 

Psytrance Love-In @ Why Not Wednesdays

Psytrance Love-In @ Why Not Wednesdays

Why Not Wednesday provides living proof that Toronto’s psy-trance movement is alive and kicking. This bi-monthly microcosmic gathering takes place in an urban cave, true to its underground roots. What’s refreshing about Why Not Wednesday is the super friendly love vibes permeating the atmosphere. It’s the closest thing I’ve experienced to the 90’s rave spirit in a long time. I love how this place gives capitalism the royal finger, bringing music and joy to an alternative community.

To top it off, WNW is free, making this a recession friendly way to get your groove on. They have a licensed bar and serve tap water, unlike the ruthlessly self-serving commercial clubs. Hippies and psy-trancers danced the night away to the psychedelic sounds of DJ Claudio and Johnny Machino, whilst tripping out on brilliant paintings by Canadian artist Neil Gibson. The afterparty continued at a gorgeous restaurant on College St. West, where the owners kindly allowed us party animals to carry on a little while longer. In these challenging times, Why Not Wednesday is a testament to the power of peace, love, community and transcendence of duality through music.

Copyright © 2012 Frankie Diamond. All rights reserved. Excerpts of less than 200 words may be published to another site, including a link back to the original article. This article may not be reproduced in its entirety and posted to another site without the express permission of the author.

Amsterdam Coffee Shops Fight Gov’t Policy

Amsterdam Coffee Shops Fight Gov’t Policy

 

 

Last year, I heard whispers about the Dutch government’s plans to ban foreigners from coffee shops, thereby restricting access to Dutch citizens with memberships known as “weed passes.” Months later, those dreadful snippets of hearsay turned out to be true. Fret not – the Dutch got bollocks. Café owners ain’t taking this lying down. Lawyers acting on their behalf are attempting to derail government policy before it takes full effect. And rightly so. Coffee shops were the number one reason I chose to visit Amsterdam. See, I just had to confirm whether all those fantastic rumours I’d been hearing were true. Tales of weed menus and prostitutes in display windows peaked my curiosity no end. Let’s just say my life was never quite the same after a trip to The Magic Mushroom Gallery…however, the coffee shops proved to be fantastic places where one could relax, unwind, and toke in peace without fear of harrasment by authorities. The level of professionalism and customer service was second to none. Needless to say, I was completely bowled over by the experience, not to mention the varieties of salad on the menu. ..

            Holland’s civilized approach to psychoactives is light years ahead of many other countries, including North America. But now that forward thinking, gloriously liberal reputation is in danger of being greatly diminished. These restrictions will not improve health and safety, as the Dutch government claim. In fact, it may do the very opposite. According to Lucy Miller at http://news.nuggetry.com:

Many coffeeshops in Amsterdam rely on tourists to keep their businesses alive, and would likely have to shut their doors should the Weed Pass program take effect in the city.  Studies completed in response to the introduction of the Weed Pass program indicate that it will lead to an increase of black market drug deals and an increase of crime, which is why theNetherlands’ drug tolerance policy was initially put into place in the 1970s.  

            So the Anti-Fun Brigade is not simply satisfied with screwing up responsible drug culture, it seems they’re hellbent on destroying the economy and pushing the Netherlands back into the Dark Ages. Much like a hare-brained idiot’s pistol going off under a pillow, this moronicism will ultimately come back to haunt them. How ironic then, that the Dutch government collapsed last weekend over failure to agree on a budget plan that would have introduced austerity measures.

            History textbooks clearly demonstrate that escapism increases during times of recession, so it makes more sense to maintain safe outlets for peeps of every nationality to get high, not ban them. The Metro stated, “The move comes into force in the south of the country May 1 and is scheduled to roll out nationwide on Jan. 1, 2013.” That being said, there’s still time for the opposition to gain momentum and for sub-culture aficionados to experience the unique joys of coffee shops before exclusionist policies take hold. Looks like it’s high time for another visit to Amsterdam folks!

Copyright © 2012 Frankie Diamond. All rights reserved. Excerpts of less than 200 words may be published to another site, including a link back to the original article. This article may not be reproduced in its entirety and posted to another site without the express permission of the author